One Year.

One Year Old. 

We made it.

365 Bedtimes.

521 Loads of laundry.

1029 Nap times.

3650 Diaper changes.

9801 Meals.

And lots and lots of love.

It has been a year full of trials and errors. Sleeplessness, changes of plans and changes of clothes. It has been definitely the best year of my life, and the most meaningful.

Hard and good.  Good and hard. The hard makes it good- but it does not make it easy.

This time last year I was in my 31st hour of labor. It was an awful day. A day full of fear, exhaustion, confusion, discouragement and a complete inability to see any kind of light at the end of the tunnel. A day of pain. Intense, fearful pain. It was the most out of this world day of my life. It was a twilight zone day.

But then 6 hours later my child was born. I was strangely surprised that a baby came out after all that. Who thinks of that? A baby entering the world in that manner? It definitely took some divine creation of that plan- and a sense of humor. I've always thought birth was very science fiction.

Life with a newborn is not what I would have chosen after 9 months of pregnancy and the exhausting work of laboring out a baby. I don't know if it was plain old newborn life or colic as the doctor suggested but we had nights of nothing but crying helpless baby, and crying helpless parents. Too many times I watched out Annabelle's window rocking her, nursing her, burping her, and would eventually see the little blinking car bringing everyone their newspapers. That was my sign that night was almost over. Morning would come and thinks would be ok.  Newborn life was relentless and overwhelming. My body was weak. My mind was tired. My life was changed.

But then things got better. We sleep trained and life was organized and Annabelle started sleeping through the night consistently. This lasted 4 wonderful months and then we had some sleep regression, but I'm so thankful for those 4 months of 12 hour nights! We went through a house arrest shock period where we weren't really on duty, as the baby was asleep, but we couldn't really go anywhere because the baby was asleep. We watched movies, the entire series of The Office, drank wine, slept, cleaned, did laundry and rested. It is our favorite time of day sometimes now. Thankfully Jon and I occasionally get to go walking together after bedtime when my sister or friends drop by and we get to enjoy our evening strolls around the neighborhood.

Things are always a little harder, then a little better. The joy of having an interactive little person is unimaginable. How can she go from this tiny little unaware being to a strong, laughing, moving, copycat of a person?

It is just beautiful. The whole process has been beautiful. I've learning a LOT about myself throughout this process. How antsy I am and how I should take my time and relax. My selfishness. How pottery is not the most important thing in my life, that other things are worth far more of my investment.  I've learned a lot about my husband, how giving he is, how sweet and loving he is. And I've learned even more about God and how amazing his plan is. How he teaches us how we should be by letting us see our own children.  How He gives us the desire for how we want them to grow up to be kind, selfless and never wavered by pressures of the world or their spirit dampened by the world's definition of beauty or success.

So to you my sweet Annabelle, I say this,

I love you. You are a beautiful gift of the Lord and a rich blessing in my life. I will always see you as a baby but am thrilled to watch you grow, change, discover and learn. You have amazed me. I will go to any length to help you- as long as it is truly helping you and not simply getting in your way. I will never care what kind of things you have or how tall you are or if you wear make up or don't.  I care about your heart. I simply desire for it to love the Lord your God. You are His precious daughter. Any trial in this life, any pain, any confusion and any suffering can be laid at his feet and turned around. He is your answer.

So be kind, because He is kind. Be a learner, because God is your ultimate teacher. Love. Love is the greatest of the fruits of the spirit. So when in doubt, act in love.

And that is exactly how I will try and raise you. With love.

Happy first birthday my sweet angel. Thank you for coming to be with us.

-Mom